A friend of mine and I were talking about how often we as people cause our own suffering.
I've been hurt by so many people. Men, though, hurt me all my life, either accidentally or on purpose. In my lifetime, I had several men who professed to be my friend and then sexually assaulted me. Because of this, I generally don't have friendships with men. My best friend, Matt, has really changed my perspective in this area. I used to think every man I come in contact with wants to sexually violate me. It wasn't until I spent time with a man who was transparent about our time together that I began to let go of this way of thinking. While in love, I have had men sexually assault me, steal thousands of dollars from me, destroy my property, and physically and verbally abuse me; it's hard for me to date because of this. Chris, my boyfriend, is the first man who didn't pressure me to do sexual things with him. He doesn't treat me like a sexual object or a prized trophy. He is also transparent with our relationship, and we talk about everything. His love for me is the first I've really been able to feel, and for me, it feels pure. He is the first man who is emotionally present with me—a breath of fresh air.
I once thought it was a fantasy to have men in my life who respect and love me.
Now, this is my reality.
Life's funny that way.
Two men have undone decades of trauma.
Wouldn't it be lovely if all men loved this way with honor, respect, and equality?
December 10, 2020